My journey into becoming me began at preconception/conception/in-utero and my birth. I know this because I have worked with these transitions and essentially this knowledge has help me understand more fully why I am me and why I show up in the world as I do. And at times since these beginnings, life has felt as though it has its own agenda to follow – I was just along for the ride, with little or no say in where it was taking me. There were very specific experiences which I needed to explore, people that I needed to meet, journeys that I needed to travel.
At times there was no sense of inner care; danger became a friend, and I must have been living on an emotional and physical edge for many years. This chaotic way of being took me to University, to termination, to London, into addiction throughout the whole of my 20’s, to rape, to the underworld of clubbing with all that that lifestyle entailed. All the time with little or no care or regard for myself, my safety, my well-being.
In short, it was a mess. But through the self-loathing, the fear, the darkness, little chinks began to appear. I began to work with a hypnotherapist gifted with the most wonderful psychic vision and awareness. A connection with the crystalline consciousness and Evolutionary Astrology. And then it happened, by chance, but ABSOLUTELY not by chance, at 32, just back into retail fashion management at a new job with lots of potential, I found myself pregnant, the father not willing or able to play any meaningful role in my daughter’s life. This was the second and last time I was to leave the city that I adored, but which just didn’t love me in the way that I needed. Never for a second did I consider any other option, it was meant to be, and as I have looked back on it over the years, it really felt as though my daughter-to-be had felt my broken heart and had heeded the call to join me.
So, I consulted my astrologer and under his advice moved back to my family in the Midlands. Three months after the birth of my daughter, which was so far from ANYTHING I had written on my birthing plan, I signed up for a weekend course in Reflexology and I was hooked …